Working on Us: Making a Relationship Work
If you are anyone who is anyone, quite literally, you probably have some work to do in the area of your relationships. This could include friendships, romantic relationships, or family relationships. For the purpose of this article, we will focus on what you can do to improve your relationship with your partner or spouse.
Consider what your enjoy in your relationship with your partner. Do you struggle with finding more positive than negative? Do you find it difficult to know why you even stayed together in the first place? These are often common questions of people who have been together for some period of time. The "in-lust" feeling has worn off...and reality has set in. Lacking those butterflies you once had? This is normal and the course of a relationship. To be clear, it doesn't mean that you can't have those butterfly feelings again. It just takes some effort and work on each person's parts.
Often I am asked whether a relationship should require any work at all. I simply reply that within any relationship, there are has to be effort put forth. It is easy to fall into the trap of a ho-hum routine. You have to be creative, thoughtful, and be willing to take control of your part in the relationship in order for it to be healthy and happy.
Consider the following tips as you're getting a sense of where things are at in your relationship:
- How often are you physically intimate?
- How often do you share outward affection such as holding hands, hugging, and kissing?
- Do you have a date night on a consistent and frequent basis?
- How much time per week do you connect on an emotional basis?
If you're looking at these questions and thinking, this isn't happening in my relationship! Don't fret. It's possible to turn this around. Consider the following ideas to improve the quality of your relationship:
- Set aside one time a week for 15-20 where you put the phone, computer, iPad, and TV away. Use that time to sit with your partner to discuss where things are at with your relationship.
- Be aware of your assumptions! Don't jump to conclusions or think you know what your partner is thinking or feeling unless he/she has said it in so many words.
- Share not only your emotional stuff but be physical- show each other affection.
- If you continue to have trouble with meeting in the middle, consider a mediator, counselor, or therapist to help bridge the gap.
Check back often for more articles on relationship issues. This is a hot topic these days and everyone has questions or concerns at some point in their relationships. You're not alone!